The Really, Really Big Promise

The subway was really, really packed, but no one wanted to sit next to the sleepy man | Fiction

The subway was really, really packed, but no one wanted to sit with the sleepy man.

He was sitting alone, bent forward so far that his long messy hair was hanging between his knees. His filthy fingers were curled over his toes. I didn’t want him to fall on accident, so I screamed wake up! But the sleepy man didn’t move or make a sound. His arms kept dangling.

He kind of smelled like the potty.

Mommy put her arm around me. She squeezed a little.

She told me to use my inside voice, and the sleepy man had every right to sleep on the train. He was a grown-up, and grown-ups were allowed to sleep where they wanted. I asked Mommy why the sleepy man chose to sleep on the train. Why not his bed at home? His Mommy could tuck him in, and say “good night” before turning off the light.

Mommy patted my head.

She smiled and said things change when you grow up. Sometimes you have really bad days, and when you have a lot of them, you get really, really sleepy. And sometimes, you get so sleepy that you can’t even make it to your bed before falling asleep. Mommy asked me if that reminded me of anyone and started tickling me. I almost couldn’t stop laughing.

Then I asked how come, when Daddy was asleep like the sleepy man, Mommy never let Daddy sleep? She always screamed at Daddy to wake up, like I just screamed at the sleepy man.

Mommy’s smile went away.

She took a big, slow breath.

She told me she was really, really sorry.

She thought I was too busy watching TV and eating ice cream before dinner to hear Daddy and Mommy. I told her not to worry because I was brave the whole time. I just wanted to help the sleepy man wake up, just like Mommy would help Daddy wake up. So, I stood up and went to the sleepy man, but before I could help him, Mommy grabbed my arm and sat me back down. The train shook a little.

She held my face with both hands.

I thought Mommy was mad at me, but she said she wasn’t. She said she was proud of me. She said I had a really good heart. And life had a terrible way of being really, really hard for people with good hearts. She told me to promise to never stop taking care of people who need help. But to also promise to always take care of my own needs first; no matter how much help I really wanted to give someone; no matter how much help they needed to take from me.

I nodded.

Mommy squeezed my arm. It hurt a little. She told me to never forget that Daddy loved me more than life itself, and she really, really wished he could be here to tell me that, like he was supposed to be. Mommy stopped. She was about to say something else, but couldn’t. She looked at the sleepy man, then back at me.

Her eyes were wet and blue.

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